


Love, TJ

by Lacunaeyes



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: 3x13 fix it fic, Angst, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Confession, M/M, Mentions of implied homophobia, Minor Internalized Homophobia, Mount Rushmore or Less, Sad gays, Slight fluff, Sort of idk I don’t write much, The tags make it seem worse than it is, They Love Each Other OK, but it gets better!!!, mentions of andi n Buffy if u squint, post costume day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 20:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18645964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacunaeyes/pseuds/Lacunaeyes
Summary: The thing is Cyrus was never someone who felt the need to shut people out during conflict. If anything he was a firm believer of talking things out even if the aftermath could possibly hurt him. That’s the kind of person he is and always has been. He knows how valuable a good conversation is. So Cyrus Goodman not feeling the want to talk to TJ post costume day confuses himself more than anyone else.





	Love, TJ

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so mdjdjdj this is my first fic ever like I didn’t even plan it out or anything and just wrote it out of nowhere. I have no idea if it’s any good so I didn’t have the balls to let anyone proofread it n that’s just a heads up for that,, I really hope u enjoy reading it regardless though!!!

The thing is Cyrus was never someone who felt the need to shut people out during conflict. If anything he was a firm believer of talking things out even if the aftermath could possibly hurt him. That’s the kind of person he is and always has been. He knows how valuable a good conversation is. So Cyrus Goodman not feeling the want to talk to TJ post costume day confuses himself more than anyone else.

Declining calls, ignoring the other boys’ texts, going out of his way to avoid the swings in case TJ shows up or even rushing the other way the moment he as much as feels TJ’s presence in school. He doesn’t feel like himself and he doesn’t like the uncertainty that brings. To put it less than lightly he’s never felt this hurt, he in no way expected for TJ to be the cause of this hurt either and maybe that’s the problem.

Cyrus loves his friends, don’t get him wrong, however there’s one thing noticibly different between the way Andi and Buffy treat him as opposed to TJ. It’s no secret Cyrus lacks in confidence, he’d be the first to tell you, the first to beat himself down and the first to cower away from certain situations or people. And over time his childhood friends accepted that, they didn’t try to push him out of his comfort zone as much, they didn’t shy away from voicing slight concern when he was about to try something new. It was as if they talked things out of him before he had the chance to do it himself and honestly? He used to be grateful for that, living life on the edge wasn’t his strong suit and his friends fortunately kept him grounded.

But then TJ Kippen came along and Cyrus was intimidated to say the least. Yet the first time they actually interacted one of the basketball captain’s first words about him were meant to lift him up rather than playing into Cyrus’ insecurities and after that initial interaction he’d do anything to make Cyrus believe the boy could do everything he set his mind to, he cheered him on like no other (even if the situation ended up turning south).

A somersault. Managing to do one? That meant a lot to Cyrus and TJ was the one who got him to that point. Now the physical action reminds him of the way the taller boy believes in him, the way the other manages to push him to his limits. It was their thing. Or at least that’s what Cyrus had thought it was.

Deep down Cyrus knows he’s not necessarily upset at the fact that TJ ditched him for someone else. Yeah it sucked but Cyrus initially did the same to Andi and they weren’t on bad terms so why would it be different for him and TJ? It’s more so the fact that the other guy seemed to have no problem with turning his back on their costume, their costume he in fact came up with, something Cyrus felt meant so much to them. It felt like the blond boy not only gave up on the costume but in a way also on somersault, on believing in him. And that, that was the part in this whole fiasco that genuinely hurt.

Maybe TJ wanting to do a costume with him, this costume in particular had in some way made him feel hopeful, made him believe what the captain and him had and shared was something more than normal best friends do.

So that brings Cyrus here, in his room, door closed. Letter in one hand and phone in the other. He scans his notifications seeing another missed call from TJ and a series of texts from Buffy asking him to let her know if he wants her to nicely said “put TJ in his place”.

He lets out a sigh before putting his phone down and falling back on his bed. He looks at the letter, uses his free hand to grab it tighter and bring the envelope closer to his face, inspecting it. Logically he knows it’s from TJ, however he rather wishes it wasn’t. Whatever might be written in there? It terrifies the boy. Yet in good old Cyrus fashion this doesn’t stop him from curiosity getting the best of him.

Cyrus closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and manages to fish the letter out of the envelope without looking at it. He turns to sit up against the headboard instead of lying down and takes another slightly less deep breath as he reads

 

_Hey Underdog,_

_It’s TJ, but u’ve probably already guessed as much as that. I didn’t plan on writing this letter, I’m not even sure if I’m gonna send it to you but I had to do something. Turns out talking to you in any other way was a no go, so I got desperate and went ‘back to the basics’. Anyway, I miss you. I know I fucked up I get that. it wouldn’t be the first time and you deserve an apology, an explanation. And I don’t necessarily expect you to forgive me because well I acted like an asshole, but I want to give us both closure I guess, put everything out in the open. Before I say or well write anything else I just want you to know I wanted to do our costume, I didn’t want to do anything else let alone with someone like Kira but it happened and to explain why I’m gonna open up a bit. I could vaguely give you an explanation and be done with it, i know you and you’d try to get the most out of it but you deserve more than that, you deserve the full story and that requires me opening up about well, my stuff.. I’m gay. I’ve never written it down before, let alone said it out loud but that’s what i am. And I used to hate that or no I didn’t hate that part of me not really. I was fine with it as long as it wasn’t for the world to know. But I didn’t deal well with it. I tried to be hyper masculine, take on the token straight boy jock persona, be mean all that jazz and honestly it sucked until you came along. Until our first actual talk at the swings managed to make me smile more than I would’ve otherwise. I didn’t feel the need to pretend to be someone else around you because you were honestly amazing to me, more than I deserved. You continued to help me become a better person, managed to break down my walls and I didn’t even mind. So when costume day got announced I knew I wanted to do something with you, i knew I wanted it to be special, our thing and when you agreed to do the costume with me I was so excited for it, so so EXCITED.. but then Kira came up to me, she said she wanted to do a costume with me but I turned her down, multiple times cause well I was doing it with you, I even told her about our costume but she just she said something and it scared me. I’m not sure if she intended for it to come across the way it did but she pretty much implied it was wrong or I don’t know weird for me to do a costume with a boy instead of her, a girl. And when she walked away all I could think about was how bad I felt. I got reminded of why I used to be so closed off in the first place why I hid my sexuality as much as I did. The fact that she managed to pick up on my feelings, more specifically my feelings for you (because I like you a lot, in the more than friends way) despite only having interacted with her once scared the living daylights out of me and just. I’m not ready to come out, I’m really not and she got in my head to the point where I believed doing that costume with you would make people realize and I just took the cowards way out. Funny thing is before going to school i actually wore my summer outfit, I was honestly ready to go out with it but then all these thoughts just clouded my mind and I couldn’t do it, so I changed last minute and hoped to be able to catch you at school to explain and apologize but she was already there and wouldn’t let me talk to you and you looked so incredibly sad it was awful and I get it if you hate me now I just am so incredibly sorry. and you deserve to know that._

_Love, TJ_

 

Cyrus closed his eyes for a little, threw his head back and managed to let a small smile ghost his lips. He was overwhelmed but he knew what he wanted to do, what he needed to do. He quickly scrambled up to look for his phone, immediately dialed the number he pretty much knew by heart when he got it, took a deep breath and went to sit down again, waiting for the other line to pick up soon after.

“ _Cyrus?_ ” A soft voice spoke.

“ _Hi Teej_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Ah ok thank u sm for reading, English isn’t my first language at all so I hope I got most of the grammar right but yeah thank u n I hope u liked it !!


End file.
